takin' it easy

I'm tired. I mostly stayed in my bedroom this weekend - only venturing outside to go get something to eat and for a few hours Saturday morning to install my work in the "Mother May I?" show. It was a pretty great weekend, just what i need(ed).

I called the super last week to have him fix up some stuff in our place. He said in a few days. I ran into him today and he said he totally forgot - sometime this week. Here's hopin'. Really, I just want some security bars put in our kitchen window and him to take another look at my peaked floor.

Earlier this week I did this drawing of a cat I really like(see above).

yawn

Bedtime. Tomorrow I have the day off and need to grade papers and clean house and what-not. I let paper accumulate so quickly/easily.

I have a job interview next Weds, and part of the paper accumulation is from that because I've had to do a bunch of paperwork for the application, and I've been reading stuff relevant to the job (it's in a college writing center, so I'm reading about writing centers...).

I am excited about getting an interview; this is the first job I've applied for (other than part-time teaching gigs) in over 4 years. But I also feel lots of stress over the process, and I'm self-conscious and shy and things like that, which make it worrisome to think of going and talking to people and convince them I'm the right person for the job.

Why can't we all just work from HOME?

donezo

more & more I'm getting sick of this apartment. I found water damage on the floor under one of my shelves, which damaged a lot of my magazines. I salvaged what I could but, it gave me an opportunity to throw away a bunch of things I probably would have saved for years.

Though I'm totally sick & frustrated with this apartment I haven't wanted to go out much at all lately. There's a Feminist Future conference at MoMA that I have tickets to for friday and I just...don't want to go. and I feel guilty for not wanting to go.

I've been considering what I'd be like to move to a less stressful city.

furniture

T says she wants new furniture because the couch is hurting her back. We bought it like 5 years ago. How long should it take for a couch to wear out? Sometimes I think we'd be better off with matching recliners in front of the TV, that we should just accept ourselves as little old ladies. But then again, I also like to lie on the couch sometimes. And we have a recliner in the other room.

I need to vacuum. I need to mow the lawn. I need to clear the kitchen table of its stacks of papers and projects.

What is it?

I noticed it sometime early last week - these crazy noises outside. I made Laura come in my room and asked her "What the hell, right?". It sounded like a warzone or something. She said she was pretty sure it's just cars, the BQE, planes, city traffic , wind , and possibly a news helicopter - normal stuff. I noticed them again this morning. I'm wondering if it's because I've been sitting at my desk, next to the window, more often during the day because of my computer. Or maybe do I just always have music playing? Always? Maybe it's just my newish more anxious state. Whatever it is, I just put on some tunes and I'm going back to my interneting.

Long Island

I've taken a chill-out break from Brooklyn since friday night. It's definitely been helpful. I've mostly stayed at A's house, which is where I usually want to be - Last night Lenny the cat slept on my head for a little while.
I'm at my mom's house now, hangin' out. I have the house to myself since my mom's working and my brother is working out, or something. I ate some chips before and looked through some old stuff in the basement.
I finally finished the reviews I've been meaning to write for a month now & it feels great to have that weight off my shoulders. I start up school again tomorrow. My first classes will be Modern Drama & Feminist Film Theory. I've never taken any sort of offical "feminism class" so, I'm kind of excited about that.
I guess I'll watch some TV, because I've got the time.

enough with ice

Temps in the teens and twenties and low thirties. Brrr. It snowed Wednesday and has been too cold for things to melt very much, and then it snowed again today. Not a lot of snow, but enough that the roads are coated with a thin layer of ice. I was so stressed out driving home from the library after work today! I could feel the wheels sliding a bit, and I'm not clever enough as a driver to know how to effectively steer out of a skid, etc. My main strategy is to drive slowly and try not to panic. We don't get enough snow here for me to be practiced. There's snow in the mountains, but nobody goes there unless they ski or something (I don't) or if they have relatives on the other side of the state (T has relatives there, but if we visit, we wait until spring).

Today my brother turns 28, and I gave him the deluxe Napoleon Dynamite dvd. It's weird to think of him this old; in my head he's usually still 12. I imagine it's even more amazing to my parents, to have kids who are 28 and 30; we're probably eternally kids in their heads, too.

Hard times are hard

and even harder when you're alone in the apartment. I've been struggling with anxiety the last few weeks and feeling as if I'm just falling apart or unravelling more and more by the minute. It was a slow build up - minor worry incidents and general saddness happening sporadically in isolated incidents. Now, I don't know. It's just hard. This apartment wasn't made for one, and it becomes such a lonely place when no one else is here. I may go to one of my parent's homes tonight.

dining room and a cake

Today I need to clean the dining room. A bunch of papers and books and mail and receipts have collected on the dining room table, which is where I generally sit to do crafts, balance the checkbook, etc. I've let things collect, and I've ignored the checkbook, and I need to make sure there aren't any overdue bills or anything like that on the table. I'm pretty sure there's at least one bill I need to pay, but I don't think it's overdue. I need a better system of organization, but I typically spend the time I could spend organizing doing something else... T wants me to transfer a lot of the stuff that accumulates on the table to the desk in the spare bedroom/office, but that hasn't happened yet.

Today my mom turns 57, and she asked me to bake her an upside-down cake with pears and raisins. It's a tasty cake and good for fall/winter especially AND especially with vanilla ice cream. So I need to go to the store for some ingredients.

My Closet

home poem for a new year

New Year’s Eve

Everyone else is celebrating
with wine coolers. All that’s left
in the beer and wine aisle are bottles
of seasonal ales, “warmers”

nobody warmed to. Time to buy
cleaning supplies and new boxes
of baking soda for the back of the freezer
and fridge. Out with the old

jars of applesauce and ranch dressing.
In with lemon-scented bleach.

the whole wide world/the world wide web

I finally got my own computer. I missed the FedEx delivery yesterday, so I set my alarm for 8:30 am today and it was here by 9. It's a MacBook, it's beautiful, it's fast. I love it.

I hereby swear to post more regularly here, now that I have a computer sitting on my desk in my bedroom, always.